The president of KwaZulu Natal, Jacob Zuma, was back on his home turf on Sunday after frequent holidays to Pretoria, from where he pretends to run the rest of SA.
This time he was in Nquthu and, as usual, he saw a microphone and spoke into it. No one boos him in KwaZulu Natal, you see, unlike the rest of SA.
Zuma must have been relieved to be on home ground. After all, his handler, "President" Atul Gupta, is a hard taskmaster and demands hard work.
If you don’t know how tough a taskmaster Atul is, then think of the lot of the younger Zuma, Duduzane. Poor kid. The Sunday Times reported this week that he wrote an intelligence report for his dad in 2014 saying Eskom executives were responsible for load-shedding so they could make Zuma look bad. Daddy got the top four executives suspended and then kicked out.
That’s the level of hard work Atul demands from his minions — young Zuma had to become 007 so the capture of Eskom could be completed.
Anyway, back to the rolling hills of KwaZulu Natal, where Zuma told an adoring crowd: "Congress [the ANC] is now ready to run the Nquthu municipality. The ANC is resolved and it is now time for this."
Ready, eh? The Zuma train said it was ready to run SA back in 2009. Eight years later it has nothing to show for this except more promises and the mouths of cronies dripping fat. This administration was never ready.
It’s a bit like opening a restaurant before you are quite on top of things. The newish Wishbone restaurant can weigh in on this matter quite authoritatively, I think. It, too, was not ready when it opened its doors — and it showed when I went there. This place, smack bang in the middle of corporate SA in Sandton, is an example of what happens when you rush into things.
When my mate Winston Skosana and I descended from his lofty office to this nicely appointed place, we were hungry. We sat down and were ignored for a while. Finally, our waiter Alferis arrived. We needed some wine. He said the restaurant was not licensed, but he would speak to the manager and maybe something could be done. But he had offered us a wine list.
It turns out I couldn’t have spirits, but I could have wine. Mindful of the law (my name isn’t Justice for nothing), I asked if the restaurant had a licence after all. Alferis said he would speak to the manager. Okay.
Thankfully a glass of Haute Cabrière Chardonnay Pinot Noir blend appeared without too much hassle.
But when we asked for a few items on the menu, Alferis told us they were not available. "We are new, sir," he said.
I sipped on my wine. He disappeared to speak to "the chef". The chef, or one of them, was sitting outside, dragging desperately on a cigarette. I hope he washed his hands afterwards.
Winston had some buffalo wings for starters. They were delicious. But his first choice on the menu wasn’t available. He asked Alferis: "So what is available?"
"We are new, sir," answered Alferis in a very measured tone. So Winston went with a pizza. I ordered a spaghetti with chorizo and mushrooms. When it arrived it was penne, not spaghetti. I inquired, as my mother always used to say I must.
"There is no spaghetti, sir," said Alferis. "We are new, sir!"
I sipped my wine and ate the penne, my research done. Like Zuma, Wishbone just wasn’t ready to open yet.
** Wishbone Cafe & Bistro Bar
The Piazza
11 Alice Lane, Sandton
Tel: (011) 883-2399
***** Mcebisi Jonas
**** Excellent
*** Good
** Poor
* Jacob Zuma